Underneath it all
by TheGethhaveacrushonme
Summary: A story exploring the development of Tali and Garrus' relationship, told mainly in short episodes. More Tali's point of view. There will be fluff. Rated M for some sexual content, nerve stims.
1. Chapter 1

A quarian. 'Trouble', he'd thought. Quarians meant trouble, he knew that from experience. Although, to their credit, it was usually not the kind of trouble people expected. They were not the thieves the common stereotype portrayed them as. Quarians were involved in thefts just as often as most other civilised species, relatively speaking. They did often take things others discarded, though, which probably fuelled the rumours. But that was not the problem. The problem was that they took unnecessary risks to get those things. Especially for people who could die from a rupture in their suits. And they got into fights. They were proud and the galaxy treated them with little respect, most of the time.

And of course, they'd let loose the Geth.

Garrus was irritated, to say the least, when the Commander let her come with them. Though she'd been fairly capable in a fight, he had to admit. But she was hardly more than a kid. He really hoped the Commander knew what she was doing.

They did not get on well. He had the tendency to put his foot in his mouth, but her comebacks proved she had a sharp, quick mind. Still, he noticed things about her. It was hard to judge her emotions by her poise and movements only, but on occasion, when they weren't on a mission, he saw her look quite forlorn. She had to feel as out of place on a human ship as he did, certainly? Shepard was a good sort, the kind to judge people by their actions, not their species. Listened to their worries. But ever since Dr T'Soni had joined them, she had taken to spending less time with the rest of the crew and distinctly more in the med-bay.

"Are you certain you want to be on this mission?"

Tali raised her head.

"What is it now, Vakarian? More insults? Afraid I'll eat all your rations?"

He raised his hands placatingly.

"I was really just wondering if you felt as lonely as you seemed."

He imagined she scowled inside the suit.

"If I were, you'd be the last person I'd want to talk to."

. . .

She hated being this easily read by the annoying, arrogant turian. Who did he think he was, anyway? First berating her for her people's big mistake, then questioning her decisions? She left him standing in the mess hall and went back into engineering, seething.

But yes, she was lonely. If someone else had asked... Well, she might have talked about how she missed home. But that wasn't all of it. The Honorata's crew, Keenah... She saw them dying, over and over again. But to discuss this, with the turian, of all people?

And he was wrong. She wanted to be on this mission. Wanted Saren to be stopped for everything he'd done, not only to her.

Her fingers drummed against the console.

"You okay, Tali?"

She looked at Adams, who frowned at her, showing actual concern.

"Yes, just thinking," she said quickly, then asked him something about the drive core. She knew all about it by now, but Adam's explanation gave her a moment to collect herself.

Why would the turian care, anyway?


	2. Chapter 2

Haestrom had been a nightmare, just like everything recently. She was sure she would die, until she heard Shepard's voice.

She was glad no one could see her face, and her voice didn't betray her, at least not to non-quarian ears. She was wary of Shepard's cooperation with Cerberus, otherwise she would have hugged her. Her eyes went past the familiar unfazed Cerberus bosh'tet and to...

"Keelah, what happened to your face, Vakarian?"

"It's a long story, Tali."

"He took a mi..."

"Reegar!"

Tali pushed past them and felt her tears welling up again.

"You made it! How bad is it?"

"Don't worry about me, ma'am. Your old captain is as good as you said she was. That colossus never stood a chance."

Tali looked at him for a moment too long, then said lowly:

"I... I am not going back, Reegar. Tell the admirals this was a pointless waste of good people. I'm joining Shepard."

Reegar hesitated, then nodded.

"I'll pass on the information. She's all yours now, Shepard. Keep her safe."

. . .

"I have a shotgun!"

She glared at him, not that he could see it, but her stance and tone of voice spoke volumes.

"Hmm, maybe we'll talk later."

He was not good at these things. Making friends. With the exception of Shepard, it seemed he had no one left. He'd wanted to talk to Tali. He admired the person she'd become. He shouldn't have brought up the elevators. He remembered saying some pretty harsh things back then. Maybe he could just apologise? See how Tali was settling in?

"Can we talk?"

"What about?" Tali looked over to the engineers, then walked him into the engine room, away from their prying eyes.

"I know we've had our difficulties in the past, but with everything that happened, I wanted to apologise for some things I've said when we first met. And tell you that I'm glad to have you aboard, what with all the Cerberus people around."

"Well, I appreciate it. It's certainly the nicest thing a turian's ever said to me."

"Is that so?"

"Well, maybe if I'd found you instead of your pal Chellick, Keenah would still be alive. Keelah, no one wanted to help us. All my people just die around me, is it my fault?"

She turned away.

"Hey." He grasped her shoulders lightly. "Don't do that to yourself. I know what I'm talking about. Without the information, we'd never have had a chance against Saren. You're the reason we're still fighting."

She turned to him, took an involuntary step back, he was so close. He looked older, much, much older than just the two years that had passed.

"That doesn't mean I can forget who I've lost."

"No, it doesn't. I know."

She reached out and touched her fingertips to the scars on the right side of his face, briefly, tentatively.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked lowly.

"Will you tell me your story, too? I can be the first turian to listen to it."

She snorted.

"Alright."


	3. Chapter 3

_Alright, this is a wee bit dirty. I blame BioWare for mentioning nerve stims in the first place._

* * *

She did not show emotions like other people. It was not merely the suit. She told everyone who'd ask that she was fine after her father's death, and near-exile, but he knew that she wasn't. He'd felt the strangest pangs of annoyance when Shepard had hugged her, had spoken for her. Not with Shepard, but with his own incapability to help. But that Kal'Reegar, he did not like the guy.

"Oh, Garrus. Is there something you wanted?"

"How are you doing?"

She looked back to her console.

"I'm fine."

"Tali. We've known each other long enough for me to know that that's not true."

"I am coping. Mostly by yelling at the drive core. I think it put the other engineers off a little, but if that means Donnelly will finally stop making sleazy comments, I don't mind."

"Is he that bad? Do you want me to talk to him about it?"

She turned around.

"I can take care of my own business, Garrus," she said sharply. "Spamming his omni-tool with pictures of a variety of male genitalia actually did the trick quite nicely, at least he toned it down."

"You didn't!" He laughed.

"Sure I did." Then she tilted her head slightly to the left, looking at him. "I am used to Shepard involving herself in people's affairs like that, but since when have you become such a busybody? Why would you even care?"

He crossed his arms in front of himself, feeling mildly upset.

"Why would I not? You are my friend, Tali."

"Am I?" It sounded odd, harsher than she'd been in a long time. "It sure doesn't show much. I mean, we had one good talk, a few weeks back, but apart from that..."

He closed his eyes briefly, nodding.

"I haven't been very sociable. In fact, I don't think I _am_ very sociable."

"You think? You're always hiding behind your calibrations. You're hardly even in the mess hall at meal times. I've been eating shitty dextro food by myself, most of the time."

He sighed.

"I know. I know. But this isn't like the old crew. I don't feel comfortable around these Cerberus people."

"Neither do I! But that's exactly the reason why I could have used spending more time with a friend."

"Well, you could have come up!" he said defensively.

"I didn't think you'd want that. Shepard mentioned just how often you didn't want to talk, saying you were in the middle of calibrations. Going up and being turned away would have been worse than being alone down here," she said softly.

"I didn't know you felt that way. I can always make time for you."

"I... alright then. I'm actually in the middle of my shift right now, but we could have drinks later? Kasumi said she had some dextro liquor."

He smiled.

"Sure."

. . .

She stumbled into her sleeping pod, feeling that she should probably not have had that last drink. But it had been a nice evening. Better, actually, than anything she could remember happening after her mission on Freedom's Progress.  
She'd worried Garrus would want to talk about her father's death, but instead he'd actually been fun, talking about the weirdest things that had happened during his time in C-Sec, drunken elcor, an asari bachelorette party flashing traffic control cameras, a terra firma protester thrown into the lake by an alliance officer with quite some biotics, who he'd insulted for walking hand in hand with a drell. It had taken her mind off things, which was just what she'd needed.  
She smiled to herself, but wished the pod would stop spinning around her. For a while, she tried to fall asleep, then realised she wasn't even tired. After a moment of wondering whether or not to get out of the pod again, she decided to just watch a vid on her omni-tool. She browsed through the archive, then realised that she'd never watched _Fleet and Flotilla_ in its entirety. As she turned it on, she quickly remembered why. It was drawn out, the dialogue flimsy and the entire thing really rather corny. But there was a certain undeniable chemistry between the turian general – played by an actor probably way too young to hold that rank – and the quarian on her pilgrimage, who saved his life when his enemies sent him into an ambush. She was either a superb actor or she really liked the turian, Tali thought. She could tell by the way she turned to him, by the small, fleeting touches that they relied on to replace facial expressions, by the softness in her voice, the undertones.  
The love story itself had a halfway decent plot. They were both reluctant to act on their feelings, she tried to act indifferent, which was something quarians actually often did in problematic situations with non-quarians. Since no one could see their expressions well, it was hard to call their bluff. It probably made them come across as aloof, on occasion. The turian, although grateful and kinder to her than any other turian she'd encountered, was confused by his feelings, even more so since his family had already found a mate for him, picked mainly for political reasons. But the tension between them was growing rapidly, and after a few silly plot twists, they came to the most widely appreciated scene of the vid. Where she finally let go of her indifference and yelled at him for making her feel so vulnerable and he rushed to her, pulled her close, dug his talons so hard into her back it had to hurt. She pressed against him, made a noise between a sob and a sigh. There was, luckily, not much dialogue in the scene, it would probably have ruined it. Tali was quite surprised when there was no cut as his talons stroked her back, then inched deeper. She realised she must have watched an abridged version all those years ago.  
She felt flushed as she watched the scene unfold. The camera never quite dropped below the belt, but he stroked her breasts through the suit with one hand, and the other was clearly, definitely, moving between her legs. She leant back against the wall and his head nuzzled the crook of her neck and shoulder. He growled softly. Tali felt a small jolt between her own legs and cursed herself for deleting the nerve stim a few days ago. Hastily she sought for the file and uploaded it again, installed it and turned the standard program on, then replayed the scene. She gasped at the pulse and tingling that started slow and gentle, then increased with each new wave. The hand she didn't need for the omni-tool slid between her legs, added physical pressure to the vibrations. She imagined herself in the actress' position. Her eyes closed, eventually, and she leant back, breathing heavily, the pictures still clear enough in her mind. Just before she came with a muffled cry, the turian actor's face turned into that of another turian, stroking her, holding her.

. . .

"Hey, Tali, are you alright?"

Tali turned to Kasumi, tilted her head to one side.

"Sure, why?"

"I just thought I heard you crying last night."

Boy, was she glad Kasumi could not see her look horrified.

"It was nothing," she lied.

"You know, you don't always have to put on a brave face like that. Uhm, metaphorically speaking. No offense."

"None taken," Tali replied, rolling her eyes.

"And I thought you looked so happy and carefree at the bar last night."

"Look," Tali lied quickly, "I was drunk, I got a bit maudlin, I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright then. But just know if you need to talk... I'm in the observation room."

. . .

"Are you avoiding me? Was it something I said the other night?"

She spun around and he gave her a scrutinising look. She was fidgety, averted her eyes even though he could barely make out her face behind the visor.

"No! Of course not. I've just been really busy. With all the upgrades to our systems, it's really important that we make sure everything is working perfectly before we go after the collectors. We don't want this suicide mission to be more suicidal than necessary."

He kept looking at her, then gave a small shrug.

"Are we still on for drinks later?"

For a moment, he was sure she would decline. But then she relaxed her stance the slightest bit and nodded.

"Sure we are."


	4. Chapter 4

Leaving Palaven behind was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. It felt like running away. Cowardly. Then again, there really was no place to hide, the war was everywhere and he knew Shepard would be right at the centre of it. But it didn't make him sleep better, or stop him from checking his messages every half hour to see if there were any news from his family. He had never quite known how much he needed his father and Sol until he had no way of contacting them.

Shepard had her own losses to deal with, he knew, and Liara was kind and tried to get him to talk things over, but he declined gently. She didn't know what it was like, but he had no illusions that she wouldn't, eventually. In any case, Shepard needed her more.

He missed Tali.

The news about the flotilla preparing for war with the Geth was like a punch in the stomach. As if they didn't have bigger problems. But there she was again, an admiral, trying to right her father's wrongs. Worn out, he could tell the moment he saw her.

"Dr Michel did get me some dextro-amino chocolate. You're welcome to it, once we're back."

Tali's gaze fixed on Garrus.

"She got you turian chocolate?" she asked, a smirk in her voice, but concealing a hint of annoyance.

"She said she saw it and thought of me. Why?" Garrus asked quizzically.

"Oh nothing." She chuckled quietly. It was adorable how oblivious he was.

"Come on, you two, let's disable this thing."

. . .

She couldn't believe Gerrel would do that. Keelah, she was angry. Shepard looked like she wanted to punch the admiral, and part of her was disappointed she did not. She did yell, though.

"Bosh'tet," Tali muttered, as he pushed her out of his way and left.

"Hey there, everything alright?"

Garrus' voice made her jump.

"Have you hacked this com channel?" she asked lowly, as she strode over to her console, away from Raan, casting Legion a quick look, but the geth was busy with something or other. Building consensus, probably.

"I'm sorry, but I wanted to know what was going on."

"It's alright. After all, you were on the dreadnought, too. But don't do this again, if you want to listen in on something, just ask me."

"Promised. But how are you? You seem almost as tense as Shepard."

"You should talk," she muttered. "Hey, didn't you say something about dextro-amino chocolate? How sterile is it? I could really use that now."

"It says 'quarian-approved' on the back, and I haven't opened it yet. Wanna come down here?"

"Yes, please!" she said and made her way down into the main battery.

. . .

"You do miss him, don't you?"

"He gave his life for his people. I've been wondering if I could have done the same thing."

Garrus laughed.

"Without hesitation, Tali."

"How can you know if I don't know?" she asked, a little grumpy, but secretly pleased.

"Because you're the kindest, most caring person I've ever met." He grew hot, realising what he'd said, but it was the truth.

"Me? What about Shepard?"

"Well, you may tie with her. But she's harder than you are."

"Huh. I'm not sure that's a compliment, but still... thanks."

He looked at her, smiled.

"So, what's it like, having a homeworld again?"

"Oh, it's elating and strange and wonderful and I can't quite believe it yet. Peace with the geth."

"I never thought I'd see the day."

"Me neither," she admitted. "I can't believe Shepard pulled that off. For a moment there I thought everything was lost. If the upgraded geth had attacked the flotilla..." She took a deep breath. "At some point during the last weeks, the realisation that we have been the aggressors all the time hit me like a hammer."

He reached out and patted her back lightly.

"It all worked out. What does the flotilla make of you being here? Can you be an admiral while being away?"

"Everyone knows we owe Shepard a massive debt. And that this war needs all the strength we can provide. Being here doesn't interfere with my duties right now. Though I suppose I'll return to Rannoch immediately once this is over. If we win..."

"When," Garrus said firmly.

. . .

Garrus turned to look at Liara, as she turned vaguely purple reading something on her omni-tool.

"Are you alright?" he asked after swallowing a mouthful of breakfast.

"Goddess," she muttered, then chuckled. "Tali drunk-texted me last night. Here." She showed him the message, reading "javik cares about you! go hit that thing! for science!"

Garrus snorted, then activated his own omni-tool.

"One new message," he muttered.

"What did she write?" Liara asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Huh. That's strange. She asks if I want to watch _Fleet and Flotilla_ with her some time."

Liara snorted into her coffee.

"What?"

"Oh come on, Garrus. You can't be that oblivious."

"I don't..."

Liara typed something on her omni-tool. Garrus' inbox beeped lowly.

'She cares about you. Go hit that! For those of us who have bets running on when you'll finally hook up.'

He looked over at Liara, who'd turned away and pretended to be busy studying a news report.


	5. Chapter 5

"Ugh, Keelah, I feel terrible." Tali had her head on the table and groaned lowly.

"Is that healthy, with your immune system and all?"

"Stop sounding like Javik! Also you should talk. 'Hmm, cold floor!'"

"How do you know about that?"

"Liara told me."

"Damn pillow talk."

Tali lifted her head and stared at her.

"Her and Shepard I mean!" Ash waved her hands frantically. "God." She blushed, deeply.

Despite how crappy she felt, Tali chuckled.

"I was never really sure what your deal is, Ash."

"Beg pardon?"

"You never show an interest in anyone. With the destruction of the entire galaxy at hand, everyone seems to be hooking up, one way or another. Look at Joker and EDI. And my engineers have finally realised they'd make a cute couple, although Ken definitely got the better deal there."

"Well, have you told Garrus you want him to calibrate you?" Ash asked slyly.

"What? How do you...? Stop changing the subject!" Tali looked around, but there was no one in earshot.

Ashley shrugged.

"There was no time. The Alliance kept sending me different places. Starting something with a civilian would never have worked. Starting something with a fellow soldier – against regulations."

She sighed. "I might die not having had sex in years. Damnit."

"You won't die any time soon! But still, you should get some on your next shore leave."

Ash snorted.

"I don't do one-night-stands. And ever since Kaidan, I've never met anyone I thought I could maybe have something..." Her voice trailed off.

"Oh Ash. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Tali hugged her, and to her surprise Ashley returned the hug, albeit briefly.

"It was nothing major. A small crush, the mere idea that maybe I liked him that way. Anyway, he didn't notice me much, he did have a thing for Shep. But to have him die like that..." She shook her head. "But now! What about you and Garrus?"

"How do you even know?"

Ashley laughed.

"I have three sisters. I know the signs. You may not be human, but some things appear to be fairly universal."

"Yeah, not human... Tell me Ash, when did you overcome your rampant xenophobia?"

Ash rubbed the back of her head, but didn't show any other sign that the question bothered her.

"Actually getting to know other species was quite an eye-opener. Meeting nice guys, like you and Liara, hell, even Vakarian and Wrex, though he did make me really nervous at first. But look who's changed the subject now!"

"It's not that easy. Even if he were interested..."

"Oh, he is interested. Anyone can see that."

"I am a quarian admiral now, and the turian hierarchy asks for his advice. Either of us knows our place is with our people. And then... there is the suit," she muttered.

Ash nudged her shoulder.

"I don't think he cares about that. And, uhm, I really have no idea, but isn't there stuff you can do without getting naked? All I'm saying is that you should try to hold on to every bit of happiness you can find these days. When was the last time you got some action?"

She thought, almost involuntarily, of Kal's finger's brushing against the inside of her thighs, spreading her legs, stroking her deftly. Just one night. They'd decided not to pursue anything more. She'd been too preoccupied with everything else, and then all hell had broken loose on Haestrom. She'd felt guilty about it for a while, knew that he had wanted more.

"Oh? Not that far back?" Ash said in surprise.

"More than a year. One time thing," Tali muttered.

"My, Miss vas Normandy, I didn't know you were quite the vixen."

Tali laughed.

"I am not. I wish I were. I fooled around a little when I was a teen, before my pilgrimage, but since then that was the only action I got. And I felt like I was leading him on for my own pleasure. He felt more for me than I did for him."

Ash patted her back.

"That kind of shit happens. But you don't owe a guy anything just because you had sex."

Tali shook her head.

"It wasn't like that. If everything had been different, without Saren, without me ever boarding the Normandy, he would have been the perfect guy. A different me would have loved him. But all this changed me. We have just reclaimed our homeworld and it was all I ever wanted for my people, for me, but right now a part of me never wants to leave this ship."

"I would prefer that you stayed, too, Tali," EDI's voice rang through the room.

"EDI! Have you been listening the entire time?"

"I always monitor what's going on on the Normandy, in order to maintain optimal functionality of all systems."

"Bullshit!" Ash said, though she had to laugh. "You are the nosiest person I have ever met."

"You do consider me a person then?"

"Well, yeah. A synthetic person in the robot body that knocked me out good, but still. It's proved too hard to deny that you do have feelings and a conscience and stuff."

"I appreciate that, Lieutenant Commander."

"Call me Ash."

"Very well."

"Keelah, I need to get to work!" Tali said suddenly and jumped up, then groaned as her stomach lurched. "Never again. Damn turian brandy."

She touched Ash's shoulder before she made her way down into engineering.

"Thanks for the talk."

"No problem."

"And thanks, EDI, although I don't like you spying on me!"

"I would never break confidentiality."

"You better not, or I'll disable you personally, and if it's the last thing I do."

There was only silence, but she imagined EDI was smiling, wherever her body just was.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, about your offer..."

"What offer?"

"You wrote me a message last night," Garrus said cautiously, remaining deliberately vague.

"I did what?" There was a definite note of panic in Tali's voice. "I, uhm..." He imagined her scanning her outbox, and sure enough he heard her mutter: "Keelah, I told Liara to what?"

He grinned to himself.

"Oh... oh yeah, that. I, uh, thought maybe if you, uhm, got bored with your calibrations, you might want to watch something, doesn't have to be _Fleet and Flotilla_, it's actually not that good, really."

"I've never seen it, but I always wanted to. Now is as good a time as any."

Her voice sounded ever so slightly hoarse.

"You want to watch it?"

"Sure. Tonight in the lounge?"

Tali groaned audibly.

"Not tonight. I, uhm, slept badly, I really need to catch up on sleep."

"Tomorrow then?"

"Sure, why not?" she said with forced enthusiasm.

"Good. Looking forward to it."

. . .

"Hey, I brought a copy of the... oh." Tali grimaced, seeing that Garrus had already started the projector. She'd dug for the abridged version and found it eventually, relieved that she'd thought of a way out of the most embarrassing scenario she could imagine. But no such luck. If Garrus had gotten hold of a new copy of the vid, it was probably not the cut version.

She'd tried to convince Ashley to join them, who'd laughed in her face; Liara, who'd told her incredibly innocently that she was too busy doing an in-depth study of Javik, even Shepard, who declined with the words that she'd seen it, thought it was fairly bad, and that she'd rather have tea with the Illusive Man than watch turian-quarian love scenes with her turian and quarian friends. At the groan Tali gave in response, she'd touched her arm gently and said: "Nothing has to happen if you don't want it to. I know people are making rash decisions right now, but if you don't feel ready, or comfortable, or certain, just tell him so. He'll understand."

She'd frozen inside the suit.

"Does everybody here know everything?"

"It's a small crew, and gossip spreads exponentially."

"Keelah."

She must have sounded so miserable that Shepard had urged her onto the couch, looking like she wanted to give her the talk.

"It's not that I don't want to. I'm just so afraid of making an ass of myself. Or ruining our friendship forever. Keelah, I want him. I didn't realise how much. I'm scared, Shepard."

Shepard had given her a hug.

"Would you regret trying it more than you'd regret not trying it?" she'd asked gently.

"No, I suppose not."

"Then there is your answer."

. . .

It had seemed like a good idea, a little teasing, nothing more. But Tali was sitting on the edge of the couch like she wanted to be anywhere but there, utterly tense, hardly even looking at him. He endured it for ten minutes of the silly vid – really, as if a guy that young would be a general – then turned it off. She turned to him, apparently startled.

"Tali," he said softly, watched her tense up even more. "You don't have to be here if you don't want to."

He stood up and turned the projector off entirely.

"It's not like that, it's just..." Her voice sounded odd, strained. Unhappy, even. He couldn't bear it. He hadn't really meant to do it before, had not even thought about it, but he reached out, pulled her close to him.

"Oh... oh, Keelah! I... what are you..."

"I am sorry," he muttered against her helmet, let go of her slowly, shook his head. "Sorry."

"Oh Garrus." She lifted her head to him, face, as always, just a hint behind the visor, then leant against him, eased into his embrace, heart beating hard. He stroked gently up and down her shoulders, held her close.

"I... I've never gone xeno before," she muttered.

"Me neither."

"Are we crazy to want to try this?"

"Definitely. But life is pretty crazy, don't you think?"

She smiled.

"I suppose."

"We'll take this slow, find out how to make it work." He nuzzled her neck gently.

"I'm not sure slow is gonna cut it..." Tali murmured.

"Oh?"

"I have waited for this almost a year. I'm not sure I can wait much longer."

He took a step backward, just to look at her, catch a hint of the face behind the visor.

"Anything you want," he said after a moment. "Just tell me what to do."

"I assume we do have this place to ourselves, considering how very much no one wanted to join us..."

He gave her a quizzical look, but didn't ask.

She took his hand and pulled him back onto the couch. He lifted her onto his lap easily, resting his hands on her hips. Beautiful, beautiful hips.

"I, uhm... I did some research, about those suit applications..." He faltered.

She couldn't help a small giggle.

"You are thorough, Vakarian. What did you come up with?"

"Well..." He cleared his throat. "A wide variety of ways in which they can be included into, uhm, safe sexual activities."

She'd started stroking his mandibles and was slowly trailing her fingers along his fringe to his neck, making him growl lowly.

"You've done some research, too, haven't you?" he muttered.

"I am always very thorough. Let me see your omnitool..."

He snorted and she punched his shoulder lightly.

"I mean it. Unless you do not want the access codes to my nerve stim."

"Oh." He fired it up quickly as she did the same.

"There, that should do it. I, uhm, have some favourites, and a few programs I put together myself..."

He studied the application, it all sounded easy enough. He itched to fire it up and try it out, but it seemed to be an odd way to start all this. Instead he slowly traced his talons up her waist, over her stomach, then touched her breasts tentatively. She wriggled a little and he felt himself starting to unsheath.

"You know, the deluxe version has a setting that intensifies outside contact with the suit in, hmm, relevant places."

"That does sound handy."

With a few movements she had fired it up. She hadn't used it before and gasped at what it did to the gentle touch against her breasts. It wasn't quite as if he were touching her naked skin, but there was a tingle, a slight current wherever his talons went. Tantalizing. She pressed herself closer to his hand, sighed lowly when his other hand slid over her back, grasped her ass. She lifted herself off his lap, knelt with one leg on either side of him, leant against him, to grant him better access. Her fingers caressed his neck, a sensitive point below the fringe, while the other hand tugged at his shirt, stroked the skin of his chest plates, warm even under her gloved fingers. He let go for a moment to strip off the shirt, then went back to exploring her. His breath grew faster as her hand sneaked down into his lap, felt him through his pants, then slipped underneath the waistband. He was fully erect by now and moaned lowly as she caressed him with unexpected alacrity.

Tali had been busy for a moment and paid less attention to the talons exploring her breasts and legs, which was why she yelped when she felt a sudden deep pulse against her sex.

"Too hard?" Garrus asked, sounding alarmed.

She laughed.

"No, just unexpected. I am glad you are a bit of a tech expert, Mr Vakarian..." she all but purred and leant further into him as the stim started pulsing more deeply into her thanks to the talon pressed firmly against her.

"A bit of a tech expert?"

She made a disgruntled noise as the pressure between her legs eased, then gasped as the stim increased speed, and range. Her legs trembled.

"Well, I mean, you, uh, certainly have a... a good grasp of... Keelah!" She let herself be lifted up and laid back onto the couch, Garrus perching above her.

"Come here," she said and pulled him closer, hooked one leg around his waist.

"I may be too heavy..."

"It's alright."

He lay on top of her, nuzzled her breasts gently, while she reached between their bodies and continued stroking him, then carefully pressed his erection between her legs, just where the suit was buzzing strongly enough for him to feel it. He gave another soft growl, moved against her, watched the eyes behind the visor close as she pushed her hips against him, shivering with every new wave. Her fingers dug hard into his shoulder plates as they rocked back and forwards on the couch, and he couldn't help growling more fiercely with every move. Her breath came out sharp and ragged inside the helmet, turned into a staccato of urgent little moans, before she cried out, tensed and arched her back, then sank back just as he came onto her stomach. He half collapsed atop her, one arm still trying to prevent his weight from crushing her. She turned the stim off, then let her fingers caress his fringe, his neck with languid strokes, and murmured:

"Quite the tech expert."

He gave a small snort.

"Not as good as you, and not too proud to admit it."


	7. Chapter 7

_My head-canon doesn't follow any of the canon endings. Just FYI. _

* * *

"Creator Zorah, are you feeling well?"

She turned sharply to Var. The geth stood right next to her, she hadn't even heard him come into her office.

"Keelah, you startled me!"

"Apologies, Creator Zorah."

"I have also asked you to call me Tali."

"I know. Twice this cycle. I am yet trying to process this level of familiarity. Tali."

She smiled. It had been strange, at first, to hear the geth make all those assertions of individuality. The singular pronouns, the names. They had a tendency to go for short names, they were, after all, highly pragmatic.

"Why are you asking about me?"

"I can now predict quarian emotional cues with 78% accuracy," Var said, and Tali thought there may have been something almost like pride, not in his voice, but in the way he said it. Or maybe she was just projecting. It had become hard to tell. "You appeared to be unhappy."

"I was just lost in memory," she admitted. "It's a metaphor," she added quickly.

"I know. Is it appropriate for me to inquire further?"

"I was thinking about my old crew and how I haven't had much time in the last months to contact any of them."

"Creator Zorah has been working far more than the average quarian. Even her status as admiral does not generally demand this level of commitment."

"Are you worried about me?"

"I do not worry, Tali. I merely wish to ensure that..." a moment of hesitation, "...you can function at optimum level." For some reason the adoption of the second person singular appeared to be harder than the first, Tali had noticed. "In order to do so, you may want to partake in more recreational activities."

"I appreciate the thought, Var, but my work is too important right now."

"If it would help, I could attempt to contact your former crew members."

She blinked.

"Oh no. It would not be right, Var. This is something very personal. It should not be delegated."

"Very well, Tali."

A part of her knew perfectly well why she was putting off contacting anyone and had thrown herself into work instead. She felt guilty. She was a member of the quarian admiralty board. Her people held her in incredibly high esteem for helping Shepard broker peace with the geth. They had just reclaimed their homeworld, after nine months and several breakthroughs in bio-engineering, Rannoch's first crops were ready to be harvested. Most quarians had abandoned their helmets already, and even though the exosuits still felt natural and safe and familiar, a wide variety of new materials and styles were being experimented with. And with all the change, with their minds less preoccupied and more ressources to spare, and with the strange new relationship they had to navigate with the geth, they were on the brink of a cultural renaissance, too.

So why did she want to leave?

'Spacesickness', they called it, tongue-in-cheek. It turned out you could actually miss a state of diaspora. But that wasn't really what she missed.

There were friends who she should be grieving with. Shepard's death had left an emptiness inside her she'd never anticipated. Rannoch was so damn far away from everywhere else. And there was...

There was...

Him.

But she had known it would always be her duty to come here once the war was won.

Duty. Why was she thinking about it as if it were an obligation, a burden? How could she be so unappreciative?

. . .

He was happy, most of the time. Busy, too. Rebuilding Palaven was a major undertaking. He did not quite know why he was still being asked for input by the Primarch, perhaps it was simply that once you were on the inside of the body political, you didn't get out easily. He was closer to his father and sister than he had ever been. Sol had come around when she'd realised what it was he had done all those years and stopped being angry with him for not being there during their mother's illness. His father was simply proud of him, and he would not admit to anyone how much this meant to him. He was slowly getting over Shepard's death. It helped to talk to Liara. They did talk a lot. She was due in a few months. She hadn't told anyone else but him and her father. The matriarch was not too happy with Liara becoming a mother that young, it was very rare, though not unheard of, and as Garrus understood it, there might be complications. But if Liara was anything, it was headstrong, unwavering once she'd made up her mind, and she had loved Shepard more than anything. Aethyta knew it and refrained from any more criticism, and was instead determined to be the best midwife Liara could get. It drove Liara mildly insane.

"Have you heard anything from her?"

"Still nothing," Garrus admitted, with a twinge somewhere deep inside him.

"Me, neither. Well. She didn't reply to the messages I tried to send. Communication with Rannoch is still tricky, so many com stations damaged, she probably didn't get anything. My sources say she's doing fine, though, Rannoch's doing very well."

"I'm glad," he said lowly.

"Liar."

"No, I am glad. We knew we'd both... But I wish she'd get in contact." He found it inappropriate to complain to Liara, of all people, about missing his former lover and changed the subject, earning himself a knowing, slightly sad look from the asari.


	8. Chapter 8

"Zaal!"

"Tali, my dear. Can I come in?"

"Of course, can I offer you anything?"

"No, I am fine, dear."

She lead him over to her kitchen table, it was the place she liked most in her new home. He walked with a slight limp from an injury sustained in the final attack on the reapers. She wondered if it hurt much, but didn't ask, knowing he hated being treated is if he were infirm. Apart from that, he was arguably the one person happier than anyone else with the peaceful, cooperative life they'd started to lead with the geth.

"Are you here on admiralty business? Is there something we need to discuss?" Tali asked, wondering why he had made the effort of visiting her, when they'd be seeing each other the day after the next.

"No, Tali, I'm here as a friend. Let me be frank, it has been brought to my attention that you are overworking yourself."

"That little bosh..." She caught hold of herself. "Who'd ever have guessed that AIs could be so insufferably meddlesome? Zaal, I appreciate the concern, but I am not a child anymore, I can take care of myself."

Zaal'Koris smiled.

"How could I think that you are a child, Tali? You have done more for our civilization on your pilgrimage alone than most admirals did in a lifetime. It is not my place to tell you what to do. But as a friend, as someone who cares about you and has already failed you once before, let me tell you that it is plain to see that you are not happy, and when even a geth can tell, it must be bad. I have noticed before, but thought it better not to say anything. Not to be meddlesome. But you've withdrawn, my dear. You are working hard for our people, but you have stopped engaging with them. Why is that?"

She was silent for a long time, ran her fingers through her hair, a gesture she'd taken up quickly after abandoning her helmet.

"I miss my friends so much. No place is home without them. So many of the people I loved and wanted to share this with have died. This is the homeworld I always thought I wanted, but it isn't home. It doesn't feel like home."

"Then why aren't you with your friends?"

"I'm an admiral!"

"Maybe you should rather be an ambassador, then. Not quite the prestige. Not Rael's footsteps."

"This has nothing to do with father! But I owe our people..."

"They owe you, Tali. You don't owe anything to anyone but yourself. You don't have to decide what you're going to do with the rest of your life. You'll always have a place here. But you can leave for a while. The situation here is stable. As a matter of fact, I have been wondering whether we still need admirals, now that we're not living on the flotilla anymore. The board was only established in the wake of the Morning War, after all."

"Xen is going to love that idea."

"Nevertheless, I'm going to bring it up. I sense that I have bothered you long enough. Just trust me when I say that you have earned the right to think of yourself first for a change."

. . .

"I am glad that you haven't tried to rebuild the original Shadow Broker base. All that running around in the middle of a lightning storm was... distracting. Although the view was impressive."

Liara hugged him, with a little difficulty.

"It's so good to see you, Garrus."

"You, too. You look good. Massive."

She smiled and put a hand on her very round belly.

"I don't think that's a proper compliment," she said with a mock scowl.

"It was meant as one. Are you alright?"

"So far everything has been completely normal. Although I am very tired of various doctors telling me how irresponsible I'm being."

"It's that risky?"

"It is not! I have looked up case studies... Oh, let's drop it. I have a surprise for you."

He looked at her quizzically.

"I am not really the surprise-type."

"I know. You mustn't get angry. Promise?"

"I don't think I could get angry at you in that... state."

"Oh, don't be patronising. I'm pregnant, not dying."

"You want me to get angry at you?"

She rolled her eyes at him.

"It was last minute, I didn't manage to tell you before you came."

"What is it, Liara?"

"See for yourself."

He looked at the young woman standing in the middle of Liara's spacious living room, confused for a moment, he hadn't expected anyone else there. Then he realised who she was and stood rooted to the spot, mandibles clicking once, twice.

"Hey," Tali said, sounding strange without the voice output. She approached him slowly, gave him a shy, tentative smile.

"Spirits, you are beautiful."

She blushed, then moved forward quickly and lay in his arms.

"I..." He stroked the dark, heavy hair, rubbed between her shoulder blades. "Is that safe? Can you live without the helmets already?"

"I wouldn't do it otherwise. Don't worry." She lifted her head and looked up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been around," she whispered.

"You had your duties. I can understand that."

She pulled back, but held on to his arm.

"It was more than that. I missed you so much... all of you, and the Normandy, and it felt so disloyal towards my people. But I realised that it was pretty arrogant of me to think the quarian people need me that badly. They're doing fine on their own."

"And you deserve a break, Tali," Liara said kindly.

"And I'm going to be an auntie!" Tali beamed at Liara.

"Actually, I was hoping for more than that," Liara replied, looking at them nerveously, swaying ever so slightly in that way so particular to the asari.

"Oh?"

"I would like to ask you to become my daughter's guardians. It is a social as well as a legal term, it means that if anything should ever happen to me, you would step in as her caretakers..."

She looked from the one to the other.

"It would be an honour, Liara," Garrus said softly, giving her a worried look.

"I don't expect anything bad to happen any time soon, Garrus, stop looking like that. It's just a precaution and actually something very common among many species. But I am the Shadow Broker and it can be a dangerous job and without her, she'll only have me and dad and that's such a small family. I want her to know about her father and to be around the people who knew her best. I already think of you as family. I..." She faltered, and Tali walked over to her and hugged her.

"We are family. I'd love to be her guardian."

Garrus joined them, put an arm around Liara's shoulder.

"She'll be a sniper and a tech expert and we'll tell her about Shepard until she's sick and tired of the old people stories."

Liara laughed, even though she was about to dissolve into tears.

"Thank you. I'm so relieved. Oh, I should leave you to each other, I've already had Tali to myself for a day, you deserve some time to catch up."

"Are you sure we can leave you alone?" Garrus asked.

"Aethyta will be around for dinner, I should get started on preparing it, no, I don't need help. Just pregnant and weepy, not in need of yet another caretaker, dad's bad enough. You two have some alone time, Tali can show you around."

. . .

"Be honest with me, how angry are you?"

He looked into her bright eyes and shook his head.

"I was angry. I was so angry. You'd left without saying anything and never sent word... But I get that you felt your place was with your people. After all, we never... never actually, seriously talked about... this. Us. I thought maybe all you felt was... last minute panic."

She gave him a pained look.

"Oh Garrus. No. I loved you. I still love you."

He relaxed visibly, smiled and brought their foreheads together gently.

"Good. I'm glad. I love you, too, Tali."

She closed her eyes and stroked the back of his head.

"I will spend time on Rannoch, and I'm sure you'll want to be on Palaven, too, but I thought, maybe, considering our new role in this household as well, we might get a place here, too."

He gave her an odd look and she blushed and muttered:

"Oh, uhm, too fast?"

He shook his head.

"No. Fast is good."

"Then what's with that look?"

Garrus hesitated, then took Tali's hand.

"Tali'Zorah vas..." He faltered. 'Rannoch'? He didn't even know.

"Normandy," she added firmly, heart racing.

"Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, will you be my mate?"

"Yes."


	9. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

"Hey there, little lady. Your mommy is asleep, but she wanted me to tell you about your daddy and I think we cannot start early enough."

Tali saw the light coming from the nursery and approached, eyebrows raised.

"...and then the lovely quarian lady thanked your daddy, even though she could have taken care of the bad guys herself, and gave her the evidence she needed to convince the council that Saren was a baddy bad guy, and then they made your daddy the first human spectre! And the lovely quarian lady asked her to join her mission, and the silly but dashing turian thought, oh no, a quarian. She'll be trouble. She's way too young! What's Shepard thinking? And you know what? He was very wrong, because the lovely quarian lady proved quite an asset to the team. And she had those gorgeous hi..."

"I think we need to discuss what is appropriate for the baby to hear," Tali said lowly, but couldn't help grinning.

Garrus looked up from the rocking chair where he was sitting with Nia in his arms.

"Hmm, so you think I shouldn't tell her about all those perfect headshots?"

"You're an idiot, Vakarian, but I think my uterus just skipped a beat. In any case, Liara just woke up and someone is going to have dinner now!"

She kissed him and took Nia very carefully from his arms.

"And maybe later your Auntie Tali will tell you how your daddy met your mommy for the first time. She was stuck in a volcano and there were geth!"


End file.
